The Virtues Gazette Bringing the Virtues to Life Readers in 65+ countries Author, Nancy Watters, MA VOLUME 16--MARCH 2004 TOLL FREE: 866-386-0253 or PHONE/FAX: 250-746-3626 E-mail  nancyw@virtuesconsulting.com What are virtues?     Free Subscription      Previous Issues  IN THIS ISSUE: •   SPECIAL OFFERS •   REFLECTION QUESTIONS AND AFFIRMATIONS •   VIRTUE OF THE MONTH--COMPASSION •   RESEARCH BRIEFS •   WORLD WISDOM--QUOTES ON COMPASSION •   COURSES, RETREATS AND WORKSHOPS  SPECIAL OFFERS 10% DISCOUNT ON APRIL EVENTS IN VICTORIA, BC. Call 866-386-0253 APRIL 3—DISCIPLINE THAT BUILDS DIGNITY. 24 Reasons Why Kids Misbehave and what you can do about it APRIL 23-25 BECOMING YOUR TRUE SELF—WOMEN’S RETREAT Restore your spirit and reawaken the beauty within you LEARN MORE . . .  VIRTUE OF THE MONTH--COMPASSION COMPASSION: "sympathetic consciousness of another's distress together with a desire to alleviate it" [Webster's 7th New Collegiate Dictionary] The Dalai Lama is coming to Vancouver next month and tickets for his presentations sold out instantly. The man is deeply revered. Why? Henri Nouwen, a well-known Christian clergyman, explained it best: "I know of few people who have seen as much suffering as the Dalai Lama. As the spiritual and political leader of Tibet he was driven from his own country and witnessed the systematic killing, torture, oppression, and expulsion of his people. Still, I know of few people who radiate so much peace and joy. The Dalai Lama's generous and disarming laughter is free from any hatred or bitterness toward the Chinese who ravaged his land and murdered his people. He says: 'They too are human beings who struggle to find happiness and deserve our compassion.'" Henri further reflects, "How is it possible that a man who has been subjected to such persecution is not filled with anger and a desire for revenge? When asked that question the Dalai Lama explains how, in his meditations he allows all the suffering of his people and their oppressors to enter into the depth of his heart, and there to be transformed into compassion. What a spiritual challenge!" The Dalai Lama says that compassion is the" wish that others be free of suffering. . . cherishing the well-being of others. . . .True compassion has the intensity and spontaneity of a loving mother caring for her suffering baby. Throughout the day, such a mother's concern for her child affects all her thoughts and actions. This is the attitude we are working to cultivate toward each and every being." [An Open Heart, p. 91-2 and 105] The image of a compassionate, loving mother is personified throughout all Asia by Kwan Yin, the Bodhisattva of Compassion, “she who hearkens to the cries of the world” and “delivers beings from every woe”. [Lotus Sutra] The virtue of compassion is taught in all religions, but it is particularly emphasized in Christianity and Buddhism. This fundamental bond was celebrated during an historic meeting in 1968 between the Dalai Lama and Thomas Merton, two of the most influential monks of our time. Thomas Merton described compassion as “a keen awareness of the interdependence of all living things which are all part of one another and all involved in one another." Shortly after this meeting Merton unexpectedly died, prompting the Dalai Lama to commit the remainder of his life to fulfilling Merton's wish of bringing the worlds of East and West together in compassion. This commitment led to a gathering 1996 at the Abbey of Gethsemane, which was attended by world leaders of Eastern and Western religious traditions. Subsequently a beautiful CD called Compassion was produced, which blends Eastern and Western sacred music. So presumably most people agree that compassion is a good thing. And we’d probably also agree that it’s easier said than done. What do the ‘masters of compassion’ recommend? The Dalai Lama humbly declared, "I often tell people, 'My compassion is just empty words. The late Mother Teresa really implemented compassion!" [An Open Heart, p 23] Indeed, Mother Teresa’s achievements in ministering to the poor were so enormous that her name is almost synonymous with the word compassion. Yet she herself stressed that small, every day acts of love mean as much as large projects, and that everyone can do the most important thing, which is to care. She said, “There are poor people everywhere, but the deepest poverty is not being loved… They may need the shelter of a house made of bricks and cement or the shelter of having a place in our hearts.” “One day I was walking down the street in London, and I saw a tall, thin man sitting on the corner, all huddled up, looking most miserable. I went up to him, shook his hand, and asked him how he was. He looked up at me and said, ‘Oh! After such a long, long time I feel the warmth of a human hand!’ And he sat up. There was such a beautiful smile on his face because somebody was kind to him. Just shaking his hand had made him feel like somebody.” [In the Heart of the World, p. 66-7] It’s important to distinguish between pity and compassion. Pity has an element of condescension that elevates the donor. If that sentiment is there, even unspoken, it is keenly felt. Many people refuse charity rather than accept the indignity of a gift from a non-caring person. The essence of compassion is sharing one’s heart. Henri Nouwen expands our understanding: "The word 'care' finds its roots in the Gothic 'Kara' which means lament. The basic meaning of care is: to grieve, to experience sorrow, to cry out with.. . . A friend who cares makes it clear that whatever happens in the external world, being present to each other is what really matters. In fact it matters more than pain, illness, or even death. . . . From experience you know that those who care for you become present to you. When they listen, they listen to you. When they speak, you know they speak to you. And when they ask questions, you know it is for your sake and not for their own. Their presence is a healing presence because they accept you on your terms and they encourage you to take your own life seriously and to trust your own vocation. "When I reflect on my own life, I realize that the moments of greatest comfort and consolation were moments when someone said: ‘I cannot take your pain away, I cannot offer you a solution for your problem, but I can promise you that I won't leave you alone’. . . There is much grief and pain in our lives, but what a blessing it is when we do not have to live our grief and pain alone. That is the gift of compassion." [Here and Now, p. 105] Leo Buscaglia discovered that the capacity for compassion is not limited to wise elders. He was once asked to judge a contest to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry." "Every human being has a great, yet often unknown, gift to care, to be compassionate, to become present to the other, to listen, to hear and to receive. If that gift would be set free and made available, miracles would take place." [Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude, p. 40] These giant exemplars of compassion both inspire and intimidate me. Sometimes I think, “I certainly do not measure up.” Then I remember that I must be compassionate with myself as well. Jack Kornfield said, “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” As we struggle with our own imperfections and pain, we are softened up and become more sympathetic to others. Compassion must sometimes be balanced with justice or detachment. ‘Abdu’l-Baha, an exemplar of compassionate living, explained, “Strive ye then with all your heart to treat compassionately all humankind - except for those who have some selfish, private motive, or some disease of the soul. Kindness cannot be shown the tyrant, the deceiver, or the thief, because, far from awakening them to the error of their ways, it maketh them to continue in their perversity as before. No matter how much kindliness ye may expend upon the liar, he will but lie the more, for he believeth you to be deceived, while ye understand him but too well, and only remain silent out of your extreme compassion.” When we find that someone is repeatedly taking advantage of us, or hurting us, then its time to set clear boundaries and take steps to stop it. But the key to compassion is to keep a loving heart while you do so. Layers of wisdom are wrapped within this subject, as you will see in the quotations section below. May your journey on the path of compassion yield a harvest of happiness. “The joy that compassion brings is one of the best kept secrets of humanity." [Henri Nouwen, Here and Now, p. 102] NINE WAYS TO DEVELOP COMPASSION  WORLD WISDOM--QUOTES ON COMPASSION "We think we do so much for the poor, but it is they who make us rich." Mother Teresa, The Joy in Loving, p. 47 "Let us not use bombs and guns to overcome the world. Let us use love and compassion." Mother Teresa, In the Heart of the World, p. 13 "…let your heart burn with loving kindness for all who may cross your path." `Abdu'l-Baha,Paris Talks, p. 16 "Who is incapable of hatred towards any being, who is kind and compassionate, free from selfishness. . . such a devotee of Mine is My beloved." Bhagavad-Gita, 12: 13-14 ". . . Be good to your parents and relatives, the orphans and the needy and the neighbors who are strangers, and the friend by your side . . ." Qur’an 4:36 "The seed of compassion will grow if you plant it in fertile soil, a consciousness moistened with love." Dalai Lama, An Open Heart, p. 115 8 MORE QUOTATIONS ON COMPASSION  REFELCTION QUESTIONS AND AFFIRMATIONS 1. What opens my heart and expands my feelings of compassion? 2. How can I show compassion towards myself today? 3. How can I reach out with more compassion to others? 4. What helps me listen with my heart to other’s pain? 5. What “life lessons” have developed my sense of compassion? I am compassionate. I take time to show others that I care. I listen with my heart. I am gentle with myself. I strive to understand the lessons that difficulties can teach me. I work to relieve the suffering of others. Acting with compassion brings me joy. KWAN YIN MEDITATION  RESEARCH BRIEFS TEACHING EMPATHY TO CHILDREN Research has shown that bullying and violence are greatly reduced by actively teaching children compassion and related social skills. One school-based program with a proven track record is Second Step which teaches empathy, anger management, impulse control, and problem-solving. These skills allow children to find their place in the world and grow into caring and responsible human beings. The program includes research-based, teacher-friendly curricula, training for educators, and parent-education components. LEARN MORE . . .  COURSES, RETREATS AND WORKSHOPS REGISTER at 866-386-0253 or http://www.VirtuesConsulting.com/registration.html FULL CALENDAR at http://www.VirtuesConsulting.com/schedule.html THE VIRTUES PROJECT™ provides the foundation for these programs, augmented by Nancy Watters’ experience as an educator and consulting psychologist. She is the instructor/facilitator, unless otherwise indicated. Can’t get to these workshops? Schedule on-site training for your organization-- conveniently delivered where and when you want it. "I fully support The Virtues Project™ which promotes such universal values as love, kindness, justice, and service. May be you be successful in your endeavor." The Dalai Lama 10% OFF ALL APRIL EVENTS APRIL 3--DISCIPLINE THAT BUILDS DIGNITY Location: Queenswood Retreat Center, 2494 Arbutus Road, Victoria, BC, Canada. Time: 9:00 AM—3:00 PM Cost: $ 69 US/ $89 CDN plus 7% GST Course description and registration form: http://www.virtuesconsulting.com/dignity.html APRIL 23-25 -- BECOMING YOUR TRUE SELF—WOMEN’S RETREAT Instructors: Nancy Watters, MA with Rosemary Denniston Location: Denniston by the Sea Bed & Breakfast, Victoria, BC Time: 7 PM Friday evening through 3 PM Sunday afternoon. Cost: $260 US/ $329 CDN + 7% GST [lodging extra at special rates] Course description and registration form: http://www.virtuesconsulting.com/becoming.html SUMMER INSTITUTE—JULY 9—15th, Victoria, BC The Virtues Project™ introductory courses and facilitator training. SUMMER INSTITUTE DETAILS COPYRIGHT 2004 by Nancy A. Watters, Watters & Associates / Virtues Consulting, 4546-B Lanes Road, RR#3,British Columbia, Canada V0R 1L0. All rights reserved. Send comments, suggestions and reprint requests to Nancyw@virtuesconsulting.com. PRIVACY POLICY: We never share your email or personal information with anyone. Period. 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